Date: Mon, 12 AUG 1996 13:47:20 +0100
Subject: Nicks Bits : Normal service will be resumed
!Disclaimer! - Continuing a far too intricate disection of Nick Abbots
radio shows, currently in a pedantic examination of the 'LBC incident'
and it's resulting confusion. Normal service (Something actually
_funny_! ) will resume tommorow. SAD COMPETITION AT BOTTOM!
Following the LBC debacle, Nicks temperament had mellowed quite a great
deal for.. oh.. two weeks. Eventually, he tried two more phone outs
starting with a little apprehension when he heard someone had adopted
* * * *
(Organ music in full flow, phone ringing)
Woman : (half-awake) "hello?"
Nick : "Hello, is Nick Marsh there please?"
Woman : "Who's that speaking?"
Nick : "This is Nick Abbot, and you're on the air right now on Virgin
Woman : "Who's... erm.. (fazed) who's rung about him?"
Nick : "Ex-cuse me?"
Woman : "Wha.. Why do you want him?"
Nick : "Because somebody told me he has adopted my personality."
Woman (Unimpressed) : "Really."
Nick : "Without my express permission."
Woman : "How fascinating."
Nick : "I've woken you up, haven't I?"
Nick : "Hello?" (Woman hangs up)
(laughs) Geez, I wonder if *she* works for LBC! Everybody hates me
calling them up don't.... well I guess it is one o clock in the morning!
Now do you think I should do like a 20 minute invective about her?"
* * * *
By far the funniest phone out came a week later, and found Nick in his
rudest form following a 'mate' of the teenager involved phoned in to
tell Nick of his exploits. Well aware that every other DJ in England
appeared to be a 'puker', it's not hard to guess how quickly the image
of Nick his mother on the end of the phone had changed during the
Nick : "OK, let's see if we can't get..."
Boy : "(Gives out phone number)"
Nick : "Hello, is Linda there please?"
Boy : "Yeah hang on, I'll just go and get her."
Nick : "Greeaaat! I bet she's still screaming at him right now!"
Linda : "Hello?"
Nick : "Hello, is this Linda?"
Linda : "Yes."
Nick : "Hi, this is Nick Abbot from Virgin 1215 and you're on the air
right now. (silence) Um, I'm calling up to congratulate your son Gary on
Linda : "You are? Good grief! Umm.. (laughs) Yes.. Do you want to speak
Nick : "No, I'd like to speak to *you, actually."
Linda : "Oh, why's that?"
Nick : "You may have the opportunity to win a carpet cleaning service,
because it sounds like you need it."
Linda (Laughs nervously) : "Too true.."
Nick : "Did you come home and he had a party without consulting you?"
Linda : "No, we knew it was happening..."
Nick : "But did you know the full extent of what was going on?"
Linda : (nervously) "Err.. no."
Nick : "So you came back in the door.."
Linda : "mmm...."
Nick : "..and what did you see?"
Linda : "An awful lot of people"
Nick (Insinuative): "Doing what?"
Linda : "Whatever young people do these days."
Nick : "Rrrrrrrrrreally?"
Linda : "hmm."
Nick : "Like what? Somebody told me that someone had nicked your vodka,
Linda : "yes.."
Nick : "Now he's fourteen.."
Linda : "Who is, my son is..."
Nick : "Yeah.."
Linda : "Yeah."
Nick : "And he's busy nicking your vodka?"
Linda (Angrily) : "No, he's not, goodnight! (Hangs up)"
* * * *
This is the end of the obsession with the phone-outs and LBC incident of
1993. To celebrate the passing of this feast for SAD BASTARDS wit NO
LIFE, here is an LBC/Nick Abbbot competition.
Here is an advance extract from Nicks Show in 1994, where Nick is
playing Russian Roulette (bring it back!) with the kids:
Nick : "..Get a leg over Clint, and you've got a chance of getting on
this show. Erm.. What was I talking about? Oh yes, we're doing this,
aren't we? Hello?"
Nick : "Ab-solutely nothing, some scary music in the background. Sounds
like thier watching 'Alien'"
Caller (Ridiculous low voice) : "uhhh.. hello. is this LBC? I want to
talk about my haemorrhoids."
Nick : (laughs) "OK, right topic, wrong phone number! (laughs)
urrrghhh.. (laughs) yeah, all maladies - all day!"
The question is - Who is the caller? Answers on an email to:
The first five correct responses (if any) will recieve bugger-all. Oh
allright then, a severely edited .wav of the LBC incident. This, sadly,
is *not* a joke. Answer coming soon...
REMINDER : FOR MORE INFORMATION ABOUT NICK ABBOT VISIT *ANDREW ACES*
NICK ABBOT HOMEPAGE AT:
(I got it right! Do I get a round of applaud?)
|Trevor (not Trevor),|sad anorak email@example.com|
Back to Nick's page.