Date: Mon, 12 AUG 1996 13:47:20 +0100 
From: Trevor 
Subject: Nicks Bits : Normal service will be resumed 

!Disclaimer! - Continuing a far too intricate disection of Nick Abbots
radio shows, currently in a pedantic examination of the 'LBC incident'
and it's resulting confusion. Normal service (Something actually
_funny_! ) will resume tommorow. SAD COMPETITION AT BOTTOM!

Following the LBC debacle, Nicks temperament had mellowed quite a great
deal for.. oh.. two weeks. Eventually, he tried two more phone outs
starting with a little apprehension when he heard someone had adopted
his personality.

                        *       *       *       *

(Organ music in full flow, phone ringing)

Woman : (half-awake) "hello?"

Nick : "Hello, is Nick Marsh there please?"

Woman : "Who's that speaking?"

Nick : "This is Nick Abbot, and you're on the air right now on Virgin

Woman : "Who's... erm.. (fazed) who's rung about him?"

Nick : "Ex-cuse me?"

Woman : "Wha.. Why do you want him?"

Nick : "Because somebody told me he has adopted my personality."

Woman (Unimpressed) : "Really."


Nick : "Without my express permission."

Woman : "How fascinating."

Nick : "I've woken you up, haven't I?"


Nick : "Hello?" (Woman hangs up)

(laughs) Geez, I wonder if *she* works for LBC! Everybody hates me
calling them up don't.... well I guess it is one o clock in the morning!
Now do you think I should do like a 20 minute invective about her?"

                        *       *       *       *

By far the funniest phone out came a week later, and found Nick in his
rudest form following a 'mate' of the teenager involved phoned in to
tell Nick of his exploits. Well aware that every other DJ in England
appeared to be a 'puker', it's not hard to guess how quickly the image
of Nick his mother on the end of the phone had changed during the

Nick : "OK, let's see if we can't get..."

Boy : "(Gives out phone number)"

Nick : "Hello, is Linda there please?"

Boy : "Yeah hang on, I'll just go and get her."

Nick : "Greeaaat! I bet she's still screaming at him right now!"

Linda : "Hello?"

Nick : "Hello, is this Linda?"

Linda : "Yes."

Nick : "Hi, this is Nick Abbot from Virgin 1215 and you're on the air
right now. (silence) Um, I'm calling up to congratulate your son Gary on
his birthday!" 

Linda : "You are? Good grief! Umm.. (laughs) Yes.. Do you want to speak
to him?"

Nick : "No, I'd like to speak to *you, actually."

Linda : "Oh, why's that?"

Nick : "You may have the opportunity to win a carpet cleaning service,
because it sounds like you need it."

Linda (Laughs nervously) : "Too true.."

Nick : "Did you come home and he had a party without consulting you?"

Linda : "No, we knew it was happening..."

Nick : "But did you know the full extent of what was going on?"

Linda : (nervously) "Err.. no."

Nick : "So you came back in the door.."

Linda : "mmm...."

Nick : "..and what did you see?"

Linda : "An awful lot of people"

Nick (Insinuative): "Doing what?"


Linda : "Whatever young people do these days."

Nick : "Rrrrrrrrrreally?"

Linda : "hmm."

Nick : "Like what? Somebody told me that someone had nicked your vodka,

Linda : "yes.."

Nick : "Now he's fourteen.."

Linda : "Who is, my son is..."

Nick : "Yeah.."

Linda : "Yeah."

Nick : "And he's busy nicking your vodka?"

Linda (Angrily) : "No, he's not, goodnight! (Hangs up)"

                        *       *       *       *

This is the end of the obsession with the phone-outs and LBC incident of
1993. To celebrate the passing of this feast for SAD BASTARDS wit NO
LIFE, here is an LBC/Nick Abbbot competition.
Here is an advance extract from Nicks Show in 1994, where Nick is
playing Russian Roulette (bring it back!) with the kids:

Nick : "..Get a leg over Clint, and you've got a chance of getting on
this show. Erm.. What was I talking about? Oh yes, we're doing this,
aren't we? Hello?"


Nick : "Ab-solutely nothing, some scary music in the background. Sounds
like thier watching 'Alien'"

Caller (Ridiculous low voice) : "uhhh.. hello. is this LBC? I want to
talk about my haemorrhoids."

Nick : (laughs) "OK, right topic, wrong phone number! (laughs)
urrrghhh.. (laughs) yeah, all maladies - all day!"

The question is - Who is the caller? Answers on an email to:

The first five correct responses (if any) will recieve bugger-all. Oh
allright then, a severely edited .wav of the LBC incident. This, sadly,
is *not* a joke. Answer coming soon...



(I got it right! Do I get a round of applaud?)
|Trevor (not Trevor),|sad anorak archivist||        

Back to Nick's page.