Nick: Let's have a call in Bedford.
Caller: It's me. Yesterday you called me a girl.
Caller: You said I sounded like a girl.
Nick: Well let's find out what I call you today.
Caller: Today yeah, I wanna talk about... you always talk about the criminal justice bill.
Nick: No I don't.
Caller: Well, you always get callers talking about it.
Caller: Well I don't know what it is. Call me pig ignorant but I don't know what it is.
Nick: You're pig ignorant.
Caller: I'm pig ignorant, yeah.
Nick: You want to know what it is? It's a lot of words on a white piece of paper written by a lot of very bad men.
Caller: But what does it mean?
Nick: It means, erm, that from now on *everything* is illegal.
Nick: Don't even think about it.
Caller: What, like what?
Nick: Like anything you could possibly think of is now against the law, or will be when it gets past.
Caller: Like what?
Nick: A lot of bad men have... you know the sort of men that your mother said if you get offered sweets in the park or say will give you a lift home? Those are the kind of men that are writing it. They are very bad, evil men and if you ever see any of them call your Dad immediately. OK?
Caller: I'm not that young, I'm 14.
Nick: Well, you sound like a five year old girl to me. Have a nice day. [Laugh]
Caller: Oh don't be mean Nick.
Nick: [Laughing] Love being evil to the annoying little kids, and I know that you like that too.